


Dreams in ashes

by pamymex3girl



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M, Lilly's POV, Pre-Series, Set before Lilly's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 12:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19887796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pamymex3girl/pseuds/pamymex3girl
Summary: They're too destructive for their own good, they'll burn out until there is nothing left of them.Only one will make it out of the wreckage.She's never quite sure who it will be.





	Dreams in ashes

**Author's Note:**

> I'm moving some of my old stories from fanfiction.net to AO3. Originally written in 2010, though I have gone over it and made some changes, story remains the same. 
> 
> This one was based on a prompt from hypermemmalawz. The prompt was 'Logan/Lilly taht which was.

There was once a time in her life in which fairy tales were all she knew; her life was filled and shaped with stories of princess and small children lost in woods, of evil witches and curses, stories of talking animals and princes coming to save the day. There was always a beautiful little girl, sometimes a princess sometimes not, living with an evil stepmother or under some evil curse, and there was always prince waiting to come out and save her.

It was in those days that Lilly used to wish she was a princess.

Back then, when everything was still easy, when everything was simply. You could live in a large caste, there was a prince somewhere out there somewhere who was willing to battle your demons and together you would live happily ever after. It had all seemed so attainable, such an easily reachable dream: all she had to do was wish for it. It could not be that hard, so many girls had done it before, why not her as well?

She was already a beautiful girl living in a castle after all, all she needed was her prince.

\--

By the time Longan shows she’s already learned the truth.

She doesn’t belong in that fairy tale world she once dreamed off, she’s not some innocent girl living in a castle bound by her demons. She’s not waiting for someone to come and safe her from the evil tormenting her, nobody will ride with her into the sunset on a beautiful white horse. Life simply does not work that way. She’s not that girl, she’s suspects she’s never been that girl. She wanted to be, truly, she wanted to reach out and touch her, live her life, but it was not to be.

She’s just a girl with demons that cannot be battled.

Logan is not some fairy tale prince that will come to safe her, he will not battle her demons, he cannot even battle his own. They’re not the leads of some fairy tale, that is not their world; they’re not perfect and innocent, they are not getting their famous happy ending. They are wild and passionate, destructive and scarred. She’s like a hurricane blowing through people’s lives and leaving nothing but wreckage behind. He follows that same destructive path, so he cannot save her. Someday one of them will burn out but one of them may survive all this.

They’re not that fairy tale romance she used to dream of as a child.

She’s not that girl and he’s not that guy.

\--

Lilly knows who does belong in that fairy tale world, who’s tale that really is.

It is Veronica’s. Veronica is that beautiful little girl, in a small house, who falls in love with the prince, who is singled out to be danced with, whom the prince will follow. Veronica was made to live in that world, all sweet and innocent, she’s the one worth saving. The prince will save her from all the demons and together they will drive of into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Veronica and Duncan are that fairy tale romance she once dreamed of.

Veronica is everything Lilly never was and never will be, she is to broken (though she’s not sure why.) Veronica gets to live in that beautiful perfect world, she’ll be happy one. Lilly loves her enough to want that for her, she wants to do everything in her power to protect that innocent girl from the harshness of the world, she wants to shield her from the horrors, wants to save her from the pain. Because if the world has it’s way with her that innocence will fade away and take the fairy tale with it.

One of them belongs in that beautiful fairy tale world and Lilly will do everything she can to keep her in it.

Because Veronica _is_ that girl and Duncan _is_ that guy.

\--

There are times that Lilly is jealous of Veronica.

Because she wants to be that girl, she wants that life of perfection, she wants that happiness and that innocence. But she is not her so she can’t have that, it will never be her. Lilly will always be the rebel daughter trying to gain the attention of her parents and at the same time she’s the friend fiercely protecting Veronica. Truthfully Lilly is never quite sure where Logan actually fits in her life, she’s never quite sure what they truly are. Maybe they’re nothing, maybe all they are is two people trying to be something they are not.

Two broken self-destructive people, hanging onto each other.

When Lilly looks at him and sees his scars and his pain, she sees the broken parts of him that can probably never be healed. In her he sees a different kind of pain and loneliness, perhaps he sees that broken part of her that cannot be healed. They’re destructive and passionate, they come together and burn hot and heavy and then they push each other away, because they cannot deal with each other’s pain and they do not care to try. They burn with passion so strong and warm that she knows that someday they’ll just burn out, someday there will be nothing left.

They’ll burn and burn until the fire is gone and only one of them will make it out of the wreckage.

She’s never quite sure which one it will be.

\--

They’re drawn to each other, like a mot drawn to the fire.

Maybe it’s that she knows it’s the closest she’ll ever get to the fairy tale romance, to that happily ever after. They won’t have that happy ending but they don’t need one. He’s not a prince and she’s not a princess, but they don’t need to be. Together they’ll burn brighter than the sun, but just for a moment, perhaps together they’ll make it. It might not be perfect but she is not made for perfect; she’ll leave Veronica to live that fairy tale life.

She’ll take what’s left.

She knows she loves Logan (she thinks is more accurate.)

She cares for him and wishes she could save him from his father; she wants to hold him and never let him go. She knows she loves him but she never says it; because Lilly doesn’t know how to tell him. And she knows that none of this will be enough because the love she feels for him is not all consuming; it is not like Veronica and Duncan’s. It’s to destructive and all it will do is burn them both.

She loves him.

It will never be enough.

\--

Fairy tales are nothing but words on paper.

They’re not true, they never were and they never shall be. She doesn’t belong in them, and neither does Veronica. They’re just normal people living their lives, trying to achieve the impossible. All four of them banding together, attempting to reach that perfect true love, that fairy tale romance, that famous happy ending. Lilly had known she’d never get it, that it was not made for her but it was made for Veronica, she had truly believed that.

Lilly hates the fact that her father is the demon of the story, she hates Duncan for not fighting.

She cannot save or shield Veronica from this, the universe has decided that her fairy tale is to be broken, tainted. Lilly will never understand why it had to be this way, why they were not allowed to be. They had done nothing wrong, they had done nothing to deserve all of this. Lilly wished that Duncan would be a prince and fight for his princess, like a true fairy tale, but he doesn’t. He falls down and stays there, all the fight leaves him.

Lilly stands at the side-lines and watches all the wreckage.

For once it wasn’t hers.

\--

Lilly had always known that in the end she’d be her own destruction.

That no matter where her story would take her, no matter the path she would walk, she’d end up destroying herself. Her ending, whatever it was, would be her own fault. Lilly watches as Veronica climbs out of the wreckage and leaves Duncan behind, she doesn’t know what he knows after all (she doesn’t feel that pain, that disgust.) Veronica that sweet little girl that Lilly had always felt she should protect had turned out to be stronger than Lilly herself would ever be.

She’d always known her and Logan would someday simply burn out.

For the record: she has no story, no excuse, no explanation for what she does. She’s not really sure why she sleeps with his father only that he is Aaron Echolls and she is just little Lilly Kane. She’s as destructive as she could ever possibly be, steering towards her ultimate destruction, creating her own tragic ending, like a true tragedy. She hits Logan with the ultimate betrayal, destroys him like she never thought she truly would; maybe that’s why she took the tapes, maybe she was trying to punish herself.

She knew one of them wouldn’t make it out of the wreckage.

The ashtray swings.

\--

In the end this is all they would ever get to be.

They were not made for happily ever after, they were not the kind of people that would live together in a house with a white picket fence. They were too destructive, too passionate and one of them would never make it out. (Though she’d always hoped she herself would.)

Maybe in the end this is the only ending they could have.

The ashtray swings and hits, the world turns around her, blood colours her hair red, the world is still around her. She’s like a hurricane that has blown through the world and has finally run out of strength, finally done all the destruction that could be done in one lifetime, she’s come to the end of her rope.

In the end the death and destruction, the burning out of passion, was the only ending they deserved.

The only one they would get.

\--

For that which once was, that which would never be again, was never actually a fairy tale.

_Nobody lives happily ever after._


End file.
